Just beneath the surface of normal

“I Similar” to What, Exactly?

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When you start getting gibberish spam posts, does that mean things are going well, or just that you’ve been online long enough for the bots to find you? This morning I found this affront to all things right and grammatical:

“I similar to the helpful information you present into your articles.I’ll bookmark your blog website and check yet again here repeatedly.I’m rather absolutely sure I’ll discover an awful lot of latest stuff right listed here! Fantastic luck for your following!”

I don’t know what to take from this. You’re similar to the information presented as in, you’re weird, neurotic, and inappropriate? If so, bless your heart for finding it helpful. Or, since this blog is pretty much about me, are you saying you’re like me? OMG, you guys, is my usage really THAT bad? I mean, I know my sentences can run a marathon, but I like to think that they are at least followable (on the other hand, Word Press’ spellcheck has just about given up on me: “Followable? You know what, just forget it.”).

Maybe this used to be a perfectly articulate person who is suffering something far beyond “Engineering looks nice” levels of writers block.

Or maybe spambots need Strunk and White too.

…So I just spent a half hour searching for images that I could Photoshop into a spambot holding up a copy of Elements of Style with steam coming out of its head. And then I remembered that I have no clean dishes and that there are still boards on the living room floor from this weekend’s partially completed Operation Cheap Ikea Shelves in the Attic and realized I should probably come to my senses. Except now I have pictures on my desktop of a robot head, a can of spam, an open book, and the cover of Elements of Style, along with pictures of The Albino, a hand holding a knife, and Charlie Sheen. If Charlie Sheen ever gets knifed by a spambot or an albino, my laptop will be the most misleadingly damning evidence ever.

Could you just sort of pretend that the picture I never photoshopped is here, and that it’s freaking hilarious? Thanks. My attic and I owe you one.

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