Sometimes life is a ride that you’re on and there’s not much to do but throw up your hands (without throwing up on your fellow riders) and try to enjoy the terror until they unlatch the metal bar and let you stagger away to regain your bearings. The last few weeks has been kind of like that.
I finally realized last week that the reason I keep getting so depressed is that New York fucks my shit up. I go, I have a nice time, I come home, and my nerves and adrenal system are all like, “we’re SO out of here, you monster!” and I’m left to lie in bed in the dark and play endless rounds of sudoku on my phone and/or stare blankly out the window for about 10 days.
Unfortunately, last Sunday was Corinne’s 16th birthday AND the beginning of her spring break. Jim was scheduled for yet another business trip to NYC, and I had promised Corinne weeks ago that we’d tag along. As departure day approached, I felt more and more dread for shaking myself up again when I was still rebounding from my birthday trip. But as my therapist often reminds me, parenting is a sacrificial love and I wasn’t about to bail on my promise.
That did not, however, stop me from whining about it to my friend Susie. She knew exactly what I was talking about with the hiding in the dark and not wanting to talk to people after being overstimulated, and promptly handed me a book called The Highly Sensitive Person, which basically explains that we’re not crazy just neurologically more prone to over-stimulation, and lists some ways to cope with it.
We really did have a lovely time. Corinne is an awesome traveling companion and there were some utterly bizarre people on the subways this time, much to our amusement. It was without question worth the hangover.
I’m still entirely trashed, though, and don’t want to talk to people and I still feel like there’s a giant opaque sheet of plastic between myself and the rest of the world, but at least I don’t feel like there’s anything wrong with me this time. I don’t worry that maybe I need to up my meds, I know it’s just a sort of neurological head cold. Rest, take some brain-boosting supplements, and wait it out. I’m not crazy (well, not for this), just depleted.
I probably won’t be visiting NYC again anytime soon, though. Oh. Except that for Christmas I got the promise of tickets to see Book of Mormon. That would probably be worth it, too. whee!