Snarkeling

Just beneath the surface of normal

Story Time

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I won’t lie: it was a rough summer. Between Corinne being in Europe all summer/deciding to move to Spain next year to finish her degree (eeeeeeek!), and the unfortunately wide variety of soul-sickening news, I’ve been a bit at a loss for words. I still want to say…something…about those things, but I’m struggling.

In the meantime, let’s talk about my best friend – my daughter’s semi-namesake and the primary person who helped me refine my sense of humor (so any complaints should definitely be directed at her). She’s also the woman who taught me about crocheted fetish-wear. QED.

Her daughter is in kindergarten, so she’s still square in the world of story books. Which means I get these texts that go something like “I have to share this with someone – I’m so proud of myself for keeping a straight face on this page!” followed by some of the most blatantly inappropriate content that can only have gotten past editors & publishers as a sort of easter-egg gift to parents who have read this book 63 nights in a row and need something to prevent them from lighting the book on fire.

I have to admit, I was too overwhelmed with figuring out parenting when Corinne was small to notice the funny little things that would have gone a long way to keeping my spirits up. This is just one of the many secret benefits of waiting to breed worth trading in for the ability to get by on minimal sleep (really the only benefit of starting young).

Seeing her and her adorable daughter was one of the highlights of my summer (getting caught up in the Delta debacle on the way home was much less so). Since I’m fresh off a healthy dose of best friend, you should probably prepare yourself for more than one Why-I-Love-My-BFF. Yes, know – I keep avoiding naming her here because she’s a teacher; but that’s difficult, so now we shall call her Katrina. That’s not her name, but it’s close enough, and gives me something easier to type than “my best friend”.

Here are some of the actual book pages Katrina has sent me:

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That…sea lion? Loch ness monster…? whatever it is is definitely UP to something, IFyaknowwhatI’msayin!

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This is from a Norwegian book so popular that they built a whole theme park about it. One assumes kids can even extract their own ass-breads!

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This is a sketchier out-of-context book, because I’m not sure how one could even do a goat in front. Though I guess props for asking first?

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Katrina: “Do you think Mr. Vagin is compensating?” Yes. Yes I do.

Have you ever had to stifle a laugh reading a kids’ book? Come on, share the wealth!

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